If you are in a same-sex relationship but have conservative parents, chances are you’ve put off having them meet each other for fear of an awkward situation, family arguments or hurt feelings. Now that you and your partner have decided to take your relationship to the next level and get married, you can’t keep putting off the meeting. Here are a few tips you can use to make introducing your same-sex partner as painless as possible.

Take a Deep Breath

It may seem like a silly step, but it is an important one. Inhale and exhale slowly, and try not to let your mind run away with all the scary possibilities. Keep in mind that introducing a partner to parents is always awkward, even for heterosexual couples. In many cases, the awkwardness dissipates over time and the partner becomes a member of the family. Hopefully this will be the case for you as well after introducing your same-sex partner to your parents.

Prep Your Parents and Your Partner

Meet with your parents or have a phone conversation first to talk to them about your partner. Let them ask questions, and answer those questions honestly. Explain to them that the relationship is serious. Tell them about your partner, and let them know how happy you are. If you suspect respect may be an issue, this is a good time to calmly but firmly tell them that you expect them to be nice to your partner, even if they don’t agree with the relationship.

You should also prep your partner for the meeting. Describe your parents’ personalities, their likes and dislikes, their hobbies and what they do for a living. If your parents grew up in very religious or otherwise conservative backgrounds, ensure your partner knows this and can understand where any hesitation comes from. If your partner knows what to expect and what type of people your parents are, the meeting is likely to be less awkward.

Make the First Meeting Short

If you are worried about fireworks at the first meeting, it’s a good idea to keep the first one short. Don’t plan for a long family dinner or another event that takes hours or even an entire day. Instead, try shorter options.

• A quick lunch on a weekday
• Meet for coffee
• Have a drink or two

Tell your parents you can stay for an hour or two, but that you have another event or appointment to get to at a specific time. This way, even if the situation is uncomfortable, you know you can leave shortly. If you are truly worried, you and your partner can also establish a code word and use it to escape as soon as possible, if necessary.

Follow Up After the First Meeting

Talk to your parents to ask them how they felt about the meeting. If they acted politely or if it went very well, let them know how much it means to you and how much you appreciate it. If things did not go well, explain to your parents how it made you feel and why them being accepting is important to you.

Talk to your partner as well. If the meeting went well, ask if another outing should be planned. If it didn’t go well, apologize to your partner and explain that your parents’ feelings do not change your feelings for the relationship.

Give It Time

Chances are, your parents just need time to adjust to the fact that not only are you getting married, but you’re marrying someone of the same sex. Give it a few weeks if necessary and try again, but don’t be too pushy. Remember, you cannot change your parents’ feelings for them. Hopefully, they will come around before the wedding, but even if they don’t, that isn’t to say they won’t sometime in the future. Do your best to enjoy your day anyway and to live a happy life with your partner in the meantime.